don’t worry i didn’t forget to wish taylor swift a happy birthday
Yoncé - Beyoncé
arriving at the funeral of your fave’s career
the best possible compliment u can give a girl is to call her a goddess like heck yeah man i will get jealous and kill mortals who are cuter than me and inadvertently cause like 3 world wars when i get bored and i will wear billowing robes of woven nebulae with eyeliner as sharp and obsidian as Krono’s sickle and burn alive the unworthy flesh of any man who dares to gaze upon my true form
And just like that, BUB comes up with a brand new face. And by doing so, brings us that much closer to the true meaning of life.
Once, in college, I accidentally said “fuckin’” during a lull in a little report thing I was giving at an RA staff meeting (like, instead of “um”) …
All the RAs laughed, but I’m preeeeetty sure that was when my boss started hating me.
(INCIDENTALLY, ONE OF MY FOLLOWERS WAS THERE. PAOLA (cough) PAOLA)
Hahaha was this your first year??? I don’t remember that exactly but I’m sure it was brilliant and awkward!
Now that I basically talk for a living I realize just how much of a bumbling asshole I sound like sometimes.
German contemplates the meaning of “party pooper”.
"She poops at parties and people’s know this?"
yeah, this is a vague post, but some of you guys on here— I’m not saying any names— but some people are *shifty eyes* real cutie patooties. not saying any names though
*whimpers at the cuteness*
lil peddle paws? :3
hello 911 yes i touched wet food while doing the dishes i’d like surgery to remove my hand